Writers

As we all know, games writing is a bullshit art. Seriously overpaid people who think that they can put as much detail of story into a game whilst the player is concentrating on blasting the fuck out of a brumak on insane.

Just to make everyone clear, I think that “stories” in games are the anus of games, to be perfectly frank, barring a very few rare exceptions, I do not give a fucking shit about stories in games. In fact, I think games are medium where we should transcend stories altogether and brace yourself let the player make up his own story. Hey, now there’s a fucking novel [pun pun] idea.

And so when I wake up this morning with a rapidly cooling coffee, and click Kotaku to see Rhianna Pratchett spouting off about the subject indicating that “integrating story people into the development team is the future” – it kind of irritates me.

Why does this bother me?

Well Mirrors Edge has possibly got one of the most waffer thin “stories” I’ve ever fucking experienced in a game. I god damn tried to like the fucking game, but just can’t. The controls are hit and miss, and in a world where controls are so important, it’s inexcusable.

Secondly, and this is the more applicable point for this post is-
Every single interesting bit of the game is shown to you in a cutscene. So horribly ripped off from “thief: the dark project” but not carried out with anywhere near as much style. See, these fucking developers think that ‘no one will spot it if we nick that cool idea from a game in the 1990’s’ – Wrong.

Course – I’m not adverse to saying that copying good things is okay, it’s fine, it’s how we learn after all, but copying and making significantly worse is an entirely different kettle of bastard.

So, lets assume these cut-scenes are where the story is being told. (And it seriously is as thin as cling film) – Why are they 2d cartoons? Is that supposed to be stylish and cool and hip and trendy and an EA thing to do? Why do they have exciting bits that I have to Watch why not have me actually taking part in them, are we not there yet? (Ref: Half Life ~ 1998)

Hold the phone then when you start sharing your wisdom when you are obviously not fucking qualified to do so. Just because you worked on a game that gets media coverage doesn’t instantly make it a fucking diamond that did everything right.