Spazzer Dwarfs

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I admit it, I was slow to the Dragon Age Origins party, maybe the proximity of Mass Effect 2 has made me start looking at Biowares other games and wondering “what if I get 10% as much enjoyment out of one of their other games”

Dragon Age Origins is rough round the edges, (well at least on the X360) – it has some pretty dire control issues, the complexity of the game makes my head hurt, but by golly, for every single moment I find myself a bit lost, I also find myself pissing myself laughing.

The dialog in this game is fucking brilliant, it’s actually inspired good – I won’t ruin it for you, but merely I’ll post a paragraph and you tell me if you want to buy it after it.

Picture the scene, you and your rag-tag band of merry men (wizards, archers and healers) are ploughing through wave after wave of “darkspawn” (The baddies) – until you hit the outskirts of a settlement, someone shouts for your help, but you can’t see them, so you merryily go around hacking everythings heads off… As the yelling gets louder, you notice two dwarfs stood next to a donkey and a trailer (or a caravan if you’re so inclined) – after beating off the marauding hordes, you talk to the elder dwarf. Turns out he’s a trader and is indebted to you for rescuing him and his son. You exchange pleasentry’s (or in my case, call him a cunt and move on) and never really think much of it as you have bigger fish to fry in the settlement.

Later in the quest, you set up a camp, and lo-and-behold, the dwarf and his son rock up in your camp… The dwarf explains that his son looks a bit special, and says he’s autistic, but he has a talent for enchanting your items. To which the spazzer dwarf claps like flipper and shouts ENCHANTMENT ENCHANTMENT over and over,

I defy anyone not to laugh like a drain.

Whichever designer or producer actually said “I know, I think we should have a spasticated enchantment dwarf” and managed to get it all the way through design and production, PAST EA, deserves a fucking medal and an honorary “ScrewYouHippy salutes you” award, (if such a thing existed)

That tale is just 1% of why I’d happily recommend Dragon Age to anyone who’s even slightly into RPG’s/Adventure games…

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