Idiots

A 50 year old woman has spent 10 thousand great british pounds on plastic surgery to make her look more like her 22 year old daughter.

Above is a picture of the pair. Study it for a while and try and determine which one is the codger and which one is the young-ish one.

My question, however is this, Instead of spending 10 thousand pounds on plastic surgery to look like her daughter, why didn’t she spend it on trying to look like someone pretty?

Meow

Still struggling with determining the youngster? – Really? Have you never heard the phrase “it’s all in the knuckles?” – No? Well you’ve never hung out with me.

Yes dear readers, check out the pairs hands…

It don’t matter how much plastic surgery you have, the hands never lie.

Check out those bad boys! – They look like the hook handed mullah of hate..

And so, congratulations, you win post #2 of “hold the phone”

Oh alright, I’ll post something about the new BBC ‘Drama’ called Survivors – (I’ve just broken number #2 of my cardinal sins of blog post writing. “Don’t pretend that people are asking you to write things like you’re popular or nuffink”)

Before reading further into this post, please bear in mind that there are Spoilers and I can’t be arsed writing a specific spoilers CSS tag to hide them when you’ve not got your mouse selection highlighting them or whatnot.

And number 2, I’ve been playing a LOT of Left 4 Dead on PC and Xbox (yes, I capitulated and bought it on both)

Now, I know Survivors isn’t about a zombie apocalypse, but the same rules apply, for basic survival in a anarchic state – get yourself three things (and in this order) – 1. Weaponry, 2. Weaponry, 3. Weaponry.

With those three basic survival tools, you are much more likely to procure whatever else you like.

Honestly, these guys have apparently been some of the last (what was it now? 10% of the Human race) – I’m serious when I say I’ve been in Airport waiting lounges before now and wondered “where is my nearest weapon.. just in case, you know ” – I always sum up probably airport security, although getting it off their zombified ass’s might be quite tricky.

(On another note entirely, I once had a conversation with an Armed Airport security man about the weaponry selection of the Heckler and Koch Mp5n as a stable accurate shooting platform in a populated area like a busy Airport, he frowned upon my suggestion that he should probably look for something a little more accurate. He then asked where I was basing my information, and I responded “Counter Strike” — True Story)

And so the survivors bumble around in a big ol’ stately mansion, going to the Same Shopping area to loot food. I mean, surely that’s a basic mistake, if you’ve been threatened by a double barreled shotgun wielding mother fucker “not to come back” – going back is probably not the smartest move. Unless of course, you’re now carrying an assortment of semi automatic machine gunnery.

No, fuck looting lidl, go to the nearest police station, break into the ‘reclaimed guns department’ they’re bound to have, and find a fucking “how to shoot bad dudes” book.

Second up, go to your nearest army barracks. Same thing applies, Oh, and nick a Harrier jumpjet whilst you’re there.

Next up in “things to do whilst being the last mother fucker alive” list is, Fortify your big stately mansion – Duur, remember that thing that you’re going round doing? Looting? Yep, remember that? Well, there’s a … roughly, 10% chance that there are Other mother fuckers out there doing the same thing, and lets face it, big stately fucking manors are at the top of the list.

Yes, basically, if I ever wake up and find myself one of the last douche bags alive, you bet your ass I’ll be mad-maxing it up before you can say “Hey you guys”.

P.s. It occured to me just how many “phrases I dislike” I nearly tried to use in this post. For example, “Of course”, “Being Serious”, “But seriously”, “Honestly”, “True Story”