You click open firefox, and a little box pops up telling you which, of the twenty thousand addons you have, have been updated since the last time you updated. HEY, lets look at the phrase “Auto Update” again, “Auto” shortened from Auto-fucking-matic and “update” as in, kept up to date. – Automatic updates should mean automatic up-fucking-dates. Honestly, I shouldn’t have to click “Install” to install them, it should be fucking automatic.
When a bit of new software is released, why on fucking earth would you not want to update it? “Hey, would you like me to ensure your car has new tires?” – “no thanks, I prefer the old shit ones with death embedded in it”. I can’t think of a single reason why anyone would want to say “no thanks, I don’t want to update”. Why not make the software just go “hang on there’s a new version, I’m just going to silently upgrade and let the user get on with it – I’m going to do it in such a way that the user will never actually notice the update, UNLESS with the update comes some fantastic new feature that I simply have to tell the user about, in which case, I will present this information in a modal fashion, I WILL NOT put up a message box informing the user I’m great”
And now I expect someone to pipe up and say “But what about Malware or trojans or other such stuff” – And here is my response. Why allow anything automatic to install? EVER?- When you’re installing for the first time, you should be prompted for confirmation, that’s fine. But every 0.0.0.1 version update, I really don’t give a fuck.
I watched the gadget show last night with two “leading” futurologists on it, what they do is sit around all day drinking flavoured coffee and spout complete and utter fucking bollocks. Honestly, it’s got to be the easiest gag on earth for a bit of cash. I heard one of them, (who’s name escapes me but basically he worked for British Telecom, who’ve, you know, been so fucking great at spotting upcoming technology – like Broadband, and um.. mobile phones) – and he claimed that within twenty years, we will be swallowing airborne nano-bots that will be able to read and control our thoughts.
Read that again – in twenty years time, robots will control our minds.
See, by me writing this on my website, I’m willing to go down in history as saying I’ve never read so much fucking rot in my entire life. Whilst I’m regularly amazed that we’ve come from a ZX81 spectrum to an Iphone in 20 years, I just do not, frankly, believe we’ll have:-
a) mastered nano technology
b) mastered the human fucking brain
I mean seriously, how do you end up getting a job like that? You can spit out shit and someone somewhere thinks “wow, that’s a great idea, I love it” –
Yes, it’s a great idea but as anyone in the computer games industry knows, coming up with ideas is the easy bit, making the ideas, getting them through governments and committees, (especially when talking about controlling peoples fucking minds) – getting them through development without some fucking twat called Debbie spaffing her shitjuice all over making sure it turns out 100% the opposite to the plans and what do you end up with?
My predictions for the future.
Exactly like it’s been for hundreds of years. Nanobots, fuck me, look at Robotics for the last twenty years, we’ve gone from Darleks to Asimo (and frankly, as great as Asimo is, I still don’t believe it’s autonomous as much as they’d like us to think it is)
We can’t even get toast to land butter side up for fuck sake.
(And if anyone wants to know my real predictions for the future)
a) the internet being switched off and replaced with something more legislated, but they won’t just say “we’re switching it off” they’ll say “we’ve improved it so much it’s now called web 10.0″
b) more and more surfaced based technology, (like the iphone, but everything – I like the term “active technology”)
nanobots that control your mind
d) cars that drive themselves
e) a metric shit tonne of things no one has thought of yet.