Filthy Haxor Shit

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So who would have thought it, it turns out the runners of TPB are actually money thieving sell out scum bags who have walked away with a nice chunk of change to set up a “internet freedom foundation” – yeah good luck with that… that’ll really make the big time, might as well shout “so long suckers, thanks for all the fish!”

If anyone, ANYONE, tries to tell me that the Pirate bay was some sort of lighthouse for freedom and a declaration of internet rights, I’ll point, laugh and say “hahahaha, yeah”.

Seriously, check out the anger on their blog (sure it’s long but it’s a mighty fine giggle) – people saying stuff like..

“Aww man, I’m so disappointed, I thought the pirate bay was a beacon of freedom on the seas of the internet”

Wait? What?

No, the pirate bay was where you went to get free shit that you have no right in getting. Sure, it’d be hypocritical of me to say that I’ve not downloaded over twenty thousand quids worth of kitten pictures from there, but at least I admit I’m a thieving shitlord, I don’t say “oh, I do this because I’m sticking it to the man and making a statement about the badness of Copyright theft”

No, it’s because I simply want to get something for nothing.

Anyone who says they used the Pirate Bay for anything other than that is blatantly spackered.

The thing with the Pirate Bay I’ll miss is the “top one hundred sections” – but someone will copy that eventually, and we’ll all go happily over to that joyous place. Crying about TPB selling out is a bit pointless, lets face it, there is no real freedom in this world any more, and thinking setting up a piracy website is going to somehow get it is a joke.

Plus, this will all turn out like the Napster incident, they’ll try and go legit and disappear off the map – because no one has realised that piracy doesn’t particularly like paying for shit. Then another website with a catchy URL will pop up and everyone will go there instead..

Ad infinitum. QED. BBQ.

Edit: Oh yeah, if anyone has a Demonoid invite going spare… You know where I am… (right here)

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Some time back I set up a chat bot with the ace company/website MyCyberTwin.

Ever since then, it’s been happily picking up customers occasionally and basically putting them in their place so perfectly it’s actually like talking to me back when I was 20…

This morning, I wake up to see a new e-mail in my inbox from MyCyberTwin to tell me that a conversation has taken place. Genuinely, this is interesting for me as I love reading just how fucking good the responses from this chat bot are sometimes. (I’m not sure if it’s just randomly lucky or if it’s some higher power)

Check this one out, it made my coffee eject:

Chris - "I still have a lot to learn about people."
Bummed Out - "what don't you know?"
Chris - "Well if I don't know it then I can't tell you I don't know it can I?"
Bummed Out - "you're good."
Chris - "at everything.."

I just don’t remember ticking a box that said “smarmy twat” – but it’s making me giggle.

I also like this one…

Bummed Out - "is it better to kill one to save a million, or let one live so a million die?"
Chris - "You first."

Unfortunately, he missed out a comma there.. “You, first”

Other news


Two things happened to me for the first time last night:-

1. I won a pub quiz for the first time in my life. Highlights in my correct answers were these…

“How many squares are there on a side of a scrabble board?”
“In Bingo calling what number is ‘the key to the door’?”
“What decade did coronation street start?” (Sadly I knew this)
“When was U2′s ‘beautiful day’ released?”

Trust me, without Google, they aren’t that easy and I got them all. Earning me 13 british pounds. (Which have the monetary value of three nuka cola bottle caps) – Feel free to post the answers in the comments. I’ll just assume you used wikipedia.

2. I threw four three-dart doubles in a single night. (I.e. playing around the board, I threw, “1″, then “2″, then “3″, then got another go, hit double “4″, then “9″, then double “10″)

I did that, four times in total, and lost every game. Amazingly…

I’m going to buy a dartboard…

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Yes, it’s time for another one of those applications that may just make it into my all time top twenty billion Windows Applications of all time™

Fences is an application from StarDock that allows you to sort out your bleedin’ desktop icons into little.. well.. “fences”… which happily nests them together.

How it handles mutliple monitors and screen resolution re-sizing almost, almost gave me an erection.

It’s like the angels with their bloody harps have decided to fuck harps and start programming windows applications. That’s how bleedin’ good it is. It doesn’t even hog your system memory or reside in your fucking system tray

Anyway, don’t just take my word for it, (which even I wouldn’t) – go and download it and then come back here and post in the comments, “bloody hell, you’re fucking right, it nearly gave me an erection too”

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Now, let me get this straight from the start so that we’re all clear. I’m not against all piracy in the games industry. (Unfortunately it’s just one of those necessary evils – I’m cool with it, you should be too, I like to exact my revenge by downloading Music and Films all over the shop*)

The number of people who’ve contacted me about “R4″ and the such like cartridges after christmas this year almost takes the piss. Seriously, I can count 10 or so people who’ve all approached me and said “I got a DS for Christmas, where can I get a dodgy cartridge so I can download loads of games and not pay for shit”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I consider myself being able to find and download pirated stuff, kind of like an industry perk. If you make games, you expect them to be copied, so therefore, you’re almost allowing other people to download your games and play them. I wouldn’t expect Id, for example, to pay for any game I’ve made, I’d let them freely pirate it and play it and then hire me. (So I can teach them good gameplay and all that – Thanks Squidy, but you knew I’d always get the final say ;) )

I sort of see it as a right, I’m allowed to download shit, because my shit gets downloaded and I don’t really mind.

It’s the people who have no input to the games industry that I don’t necessarily enjoy watching rip our games. It’s just inevitable. (And for another post, completely solvable too – I’ll discuss that one day)

Anyway… Back to the people requesting I load up a DS hack-cartridge with Barbie games because I have the technical knowledge and know how to do it (for them)….

Although I’d love to say, whenever I get such a request, I kick them in the twat and say “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING VILLAIN! – You’re the reason I don’t get fucking completion bonuses, and to fucking ask me to facilitate your fucking enjoyment for nothing, is tantamount to me asking you to let me fuck your wife, then ask you to roof my house, and re-install the wiring.”

I don’t say this, unfortunately, but I don’t go out of my way to make it easy for them either. “Yeah, search online for one, then go and download the firmware, then buy and SD card, then copy the games over, and yeah, that’ll work”

I spent a good long chunk of my life not fingering girls behind the bikesheds, or mastering how to play pool, or being cool and learning the names of all the opening moves to chess. (Although I often bluff this when playing chess and say “Oh the reverse dixon, I’ve not seen that since I used a combination of mariot versus old-detroit style”)

The reason I didn’t do all these things was because I was playing with my joystick – fnar fucking fnar. Or I was learning MS-DOS, or I was figuring out what the fuck twos compliment meant and how it could be ignored for the rest of my single bastard life.
I spent these formative years of my life being a socially inept twat, not so you don’t have to, but in reality, to make me millions upon millions of pounds.

It really irritates me to see “Computeach” adverts on TV – They sort of go like this:-

VOICE: “Are you a social shithead who has a shitty job at woolworths?”
VOICE: “No career prospects? No money? Big Jigsaw shaped hole in your minge?”

I hate how computers have become the “easy out” – I long for the days when you needed a six hour training course just to teach you how to get past the bios.

This brings me (finally) onto my point. There’s a shop down my road which is ran by a complete twat, (I say he’s a complete twat, even though I don’t know him, because he drives one of these – Have you ever seen a bigger twats car than that?)

And on his mobile phone shop window, he has an A4 piece of paper with “R4 Nintendo DS HackCartridge for sale here., £25.99″ – Now that’s really taking the piss, isn’t it? – Surely that’s not allowed. Surely the police will one day clap eyes on that and see that? Aren’t R4 cartridges completely illegal?

Or are they? I dunno…

And hence, dear viewers, it’s time to play Fighting Fantasy “Screw You Hippy”

Turn to Page 399 if you want to send a letter to F.A.S.T and get the fucker shut down and so he’ll have to sell his lovely Audi.


Turn to page 42 if you want to just ignore this sign and move on your merry way to somerfield.

Did you ever notice that in Final Fantasy books, if the number was above 300, it meant certain death? – It’s true. One of the most annoying ever pages I’ve ever read in one of the FF series was “Turn to page 15 – You wake to find it was all a dream. Game over”

* – Caveat Emptor – This is a joke, I don’t really download loads of music and movies at all, this was used for comic effect. Please don’t send the filth round to my address, please, I’m only kidding. I don’t even have a PC. I’m writing this using a cheese wire, a baked bean tin and a mouse. (The kind that goes squeek – No, I’m not talking about my old squeeky ball-mouse – I’m talking about oh, never mind)

Fucking awesome pirate graphic was nicked from here – In an attempt at Irony, I appreciate that taking this artwork and using for my own purposes is completely against deviantarts spirit of copyright and completely infringes all their rules, but a) I don’t care, and b) it’s about fucking piracy for fucksake… oh, and C) this image was drawn by this guy who is far and away too talented.

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Unfortunately, it appears Bob has finally snapped, it was bound to happen. Spending five bloody years making a Nintendo DS game is bound to have a negative impact on anyones brain.

For those who don’t know, Bob is a bedroom coder who’s been working on (admittedly) a fucking awesome looking Nintendo DS homebrew game for 5 years in pretty much solitary confinement. A one man project, it really does look pretty cool, (if you’re into that sort of thing)

He’s now attempting to get recognition from Nintendo to actually publish the game officially, instead of contacting an already established publisher (which I’m sure some will be interested in the project) he’s decided to attempt to contact Nintendo directly.

Unfortunately, Nintendo however have fucking big spam filters for such eventuality. They sadly don’t have internet connections and most likely don’t know what the hell bobs game is. They also don’t really like people using homebrew applications to create a game, because they have no creative control, – and they’re really really big on creative control.


They know *precisely* what Bob’s game is and know how fucking vast it is. Now, vast to some people sounds joyous, but to games publishers it sounds nasty. Vast means bugs, means play testing, means content.

And the content could be questionable, in such a huge game, what’s to say there isn’t a sister-shagging sub-plot, (like most JRPG’s) or the abilities to run over NPC’s in a taxi. That’s not nintendo’s bag baby, and especially not on the NDS.

Nintendo aren’t going to bug test a game. They expect the publishers to do this, All the big N do is accept projects for a LOT check when you become a registered developer (Which costs lots and lots of cash) – The real pity however is that I have a NDS development kit about 5 meters away from me. Awww..

Anyway, hopefully Bob will come to his senses and realise that ‘insane man’ tactics of 100 day protests and stuff is the realm of forum dickheads and shows a massive lack of professionalism, something that’ll make Nintendo even more resolute not to listen. The best bet is to play the publisher game, accept that they’ll take a cut and then be happy in the knowledge that a one man project for the Nintendo DS will still make a fucking tonne of cash if it’s any good. (If it’s not pirated to fuck that is) – with a finished project, a couple of interested publishers and a stern will and nerves, you can easily negotiate a 30-40% profit share of the game.

What IS “bob’s game?”.

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Well well. Who would have had thought that the iphone is actually quite good. although I can’t see me writing war and bloody peace with the sucker. Apart from that, it is a very impressive bit of kit


One thing that really fucking annoys me is people using HTML tags in places where it really doesn’t apply. Like in an E-mail, or a forum comment.

It’s such a smarmy twat way to say you’re a dick. “Oh, I know a few tags in HTML so therefore I can go around using ‘clever’ invented ones that I made up to show just how fucking L33t I am”

<Repeat after me>YOUR HTML SKILLS SUKETH</Repeat after me>

The problem – however, is that the HTML tags you’re using don’t actually exist. I’ve scoured all over w3schools and cannot find a single reference to <Rant>

Sure, you can define custom HTML tags, if you are a big twat, fine, go for it. But again, all you’re demonstrating is that you’re not very good at keeping up to date.

If you want to show how fucking ace you are, go learn brainfuck, (although, to be fair, I am extremely tempted to learn LOLCode)

Those kinds of <GEEK> T-shirts annoy me too. I consider this annoyance a general, all round, honest to goodness, awesomely umbrella annoyance.

Edit: to almost completely rip the space/time/irony paradox a new arsehole, the funky new html tags in this very post fucked up. Fucking wordpress.

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I’d really appreciate the HDTV at the moment.. Ta

The internet should be free, in my opinion.

At least until I come up with an idea that will actually make some money and I can retire to St Tropez eating Pez (I hate pez, but I wanted to say the word “pez” again after saying it in “Tropez” and better still, explaining this means I get to type Pez.. gee I’m looking forward to Rez…)

My z key is so underused…

Anyway… Upon my meanderings around the internet land I happened upon the following two websites (Some may say that the idea is very simple)

giveawayoftheday is a website that gives away applications. Usually shit, but you never know…

game.giveawayoftheday is a give away site that gives away cheapo games for nothing on each day…

So add them to your “today” bookmark folder and check it every day.. You never know, life is like a website that gives away free shit every day…

Spread it – 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

The way I figure it, if we spread the number. There will be too many people to sue…

So you want to be come a filthy pirate whore. You know about uTorrent then right? Obviously you do. I’m not going to even talk about it’s greatness here. (If you don’t know it, I’m going to save the planet from another pirate and not help you a single bit)

However, if you are already stealing the shirt from my back enjoying the “download scene” via this wonderful application. You may be interested in the webgui that exists for said application.

Yes. You can now remotely control your pirating habits over the tinternet with your firefox web browser. You can start and stop downloads, create new ones. Stop filthy leechers sucking away at your bandwidth teat. Everything.

Simply open the .rar file, follow the instruco’s and then type your remote PC’s IP address, torrent port, and u/p and you’re online, surfing the high seas of software/video/music piracy.

Don’t blame me when the RIAA and other such people come knocking on your door demanding you lower your trousers and accept the jolly roger.

On a side note, thar’ is a distinct lack of pirate porn on the internet nowadays… I only got inspiration from the words “filthy pirate whore” (and I don’t recommend you type that into Google

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