So who would have thought it, it turns out the runners of TPB are actually money thieving sell out scum bags who have walked away with a nice chunk of change to set up a “internet freedom foundation” - yeah good luck with that… that’ll really make the big time, might as well shout “so long suckers, thanks for all the fish!”

If anyone, ANYONE, tries to tell me that the Pirate bay was some sort of lighthouse for freedom and a declaration of internet rights, I’ll point, laugh and say “hahahaha, yeah”.

Seriously, check out the anger on their blog (sure it’s long but it’s a mighty fine giggle) - people saying stuff like..

“Aww man, I’m so disappointed, I thought the pirate bay was a beacon of freedom on the seas of the internet”

Wait? What?

No, the pirate bay was where you went to get free shit that you have no right in getting. Sure, it’d be hypocritical of me to say that I’ve not downloaded over twenty thousand quids worth of kitten pictures from there, but at least I admit I’m a thieving shitlord, I don’t say “oh, I do this because I’m sticking it to the man and making a statement about the badness of Copyright theft”

No, it’s because I simply want to get something for nothing.

Anyone who says they used the Pirate Bay for anything other than that is blatantly spackered.

The thing with the Pirate Bay I’ll miss is the “top one hundred sections” - but someone will copy that eventually, and we’ll all go happily over to that joyous place. Crying about TPB selling out is a bit pointless, lets face it, there is no real freedom in this world any more, and thinking setting up a piracy website is going to somehow get it is a joke.

Plus, this will all turn out like the Napster incident, they’ll try and go legit and disappear off the map - because no one has realised that piracy doesn’t particularly like paying for shit. Then another website with a catchy URL will pop up and everyone will go there instead..

Ad infinitum. QED. BBQ.

Edit: Oh yeah, if anyone has a Demonoid invite going spare… You know where I am… (right here)

Tags: , , , ,

There’s one thing that bothers me, (one thing?!) regarding people. Why on earth are people getting arsey about the proximity of Valves announcement of Left 4 dead 2, to the proximity of Left 4 Dead 1’s release?

Okay, so it’s a 12 month turn around, I have two major grievances with people who complain.

1. Since when do you get a fucking say? - Seriously, Code Masters used to release a game every other week, no-one fucking complained, everyone actually cheered it. (And I’m not talking new games, there were sequels that were about as sequel like as the average Tiger Woods game) - If you love a game, how come you don’t want a sequel? I want Forza 3 now… - I’d want it six weeks after Forza 2… The wait for Rainbow Six 3 is actually fucking annoying me now…

My boredom threshold might be a lot lower than most peoples, but Left 4 Dead entertained me for two weeks, tops… Sure, people bleat on about the achievements being the center of the game and if you just play it through with no real aim, then you’re a “luzor lol” - but seriously, L4D left me really cold after a few weeks.

No amount of DLC would have made me go “wow, this game isn’t as shallow as a babies paddling pool” - I expect L4D2 to be no different, let me see, 4-8 scenarios? All of them MP this time, erm, Melee Weapons instead of Pistols, err, 2 or three new “boss enemies” - unlockable L4D1 characters… and zero fucking replayability beyond the achievements.

2. DLC is not a required business model, when a publisher releases a game, believe it or not, they do not HAVE TO FUCKING SUPPORT IT FOREVER. Instead, they can spot that their previous DLC hasn’t made as much money as, oh, i dunno, releasing a boxed game, and so they go about releasing the game again.

Quit fucking whinging and get on with counting your fucking pennies you cheapskate cunts. You just want something for fucking free again, as always. Well tough.

If the very idea of playing L4D2 disgusts you that much, it’s really simple, don’t buy it… But you will won’t you, because if you care so much as to whinge about it, you’ll simply not be able to not buy it come release day and turn into an L4D3 complainer.. (I hope Valve go for 6 months after 2…)

To even dare criticize valve, in my opinion is like actively trying to piss off god - seriously, you might think you know everything there is to know about games, but you know jack compared to those guys - seriously, everything you think you know about computer games, Valve taught you.

So how about shutting the fuck up and getting on with counting down the seconds to the second Left 4 Dead?

Tags: , , , , , ,

Okay, so Cliffski’s Blog has shamed me into thinking I need to start talking about my game… (drumroll) Space Rogue!

And so, the high concept for SR is simple, make a 2d game that’s awfully like Elite mixed with Rogue, and maybe a bit of X3 thrown in for good measure.

But you start in a random position in a procedurally generated universe, you might be born a pirate, a trader, a law enforcer, a bounty hunter, and although your starting point is defined, your ultimate destiny is up to you. Throw in management of other ships and pilots (who are on your pay roll) - or manage stations, defending them from dastardly attacks.

Bored of how it’s turning out? You can hit a single Key and the game goes away and generates a new universe, with new missions and legends and back stories and new bounty. the faction balance is re-done, the imperials may have been the leading faction last time out, but now, the federation have the upper hand…

So where’s the game currently?

Simple, It’s at first pass prototype stage, I have a playable, if limited game currently, you can warp to different stations and trade with them in a variety of commodites, like minerals and slaves.. (Infact the commodoity tree is lifted straight from Elite currently)

Ai is in and working, except it’s very shallow, they don’t actually seek out trade, and universe persistance isn’t there, meaning if somethings going on outside of your current sector, you just can’t see it…

Then I hit a block, as I’m using GameMaker (yes, lazy, I know) - the constraints of GM aren’t bad actually, and it could probably do exactly what I wanted, but as soon as I start to increase the scope of my plans, I think “that’ll just be too much for GM” and I start thinking of the alternative development routes. A C# solution probably, using SDL, and all sorts of other magical TLA’s, except I’m no master of C# - In fact, I’m a complete and utter n00b.

The huge step back will increase my scope, but massively increase my frustration, doing simple things will be hugely difficult (like a decent sprite management system, rotation, input)

So I started prototyping other ideas… breaking off from the “one .exe fits” all concept. I’ve now generated several little prototype ideas…

The sector name generator

I like X3’s names for the sectors, they seem to bring a history to an otherwise dead block of space.
But with X3, the sectors are pre-determined by a designer some place, with balance and gameplay considered. I want to do everything proceeduraly. Which is a bit trickier…

So, using a very very complex set of case statements, I managed to start generating “X3″ like sector names. (I admit, it’s even possible to get names like “Home of Light”), the test cleverly picks a word and then scores it in certain factors. I lovingly named these factors.

“Dread, Depression, Hope, Law, Pirate”

So when the case statement picked a word like “Light” it intrinsically knows that this word provides “Hope” (literally, light = hope + 5) - When it picks a word like “Sorrow”, it adds to depression, dread, and removes from hope…

This gives me a set of variables that I can then use to determine lots of things…

Like a good next word… It’s clever enough to never provide a sector name like “Hope of Sorrow”, or “Bankrupt Profit”

What this gives me is a way of generating “decent-ish” sounding names, better than the vowel constenant jumbles I was previously doing. (Lave fits the pattern, but qutopij sounds and looks shit) - Admittedly, I could use character frequency bias to generate planet names, and then append scientific roman numerals on the end. “Bestat IX”

Universe Generation

For a while I was obsessed with the idea of no data storage, the game would create the entire universe off a single two digit number, but do it pre-deterministically, not randomly, enter the same number, get the same universe.
It works too, using a combination of fibonacci sequences and just random seeding, it works fine, but because the sequence may get knocked out of order by the user “doing stuff” (like jumping between galaxies, or simply having an Intel processor) -I can’t guarnetee that one mans 42 is anothers.

So I started going down the route of String examination, from the initial seed of 42, the universe would go away and make a planet name. Lets say Pluto (by pure chance) - then it’d look at the word P L U T O and score it based on the values of the ascii characters. The location of the station would be determined by the first letter, P and the last letter, O… (O and P are very close to each other in the alphabet, so I can confidently predict it’d put the station somewhere in the middle of the world)

Then I’d use the middle letter of the planet to determine it’s politcal, technological, and market values. Everything from the letter U.

So if you ever found a planet called PLATO - the station might be in the same place, but the markets would be significantly different.

And then to stop predictability in this system, (if someone spotted that planets with more A’s in it than Z’s were more beneficial) I created a new balance list each and every time it was used, (using another one of those fibonacci sequences)

All was fine, and it worked perfectly, this created an infinite (yes, infinite) amount of sectors. The game would happily let the player type in any combination of words or letters and it would go away and pre-deterministically make this sector for them, (obviously, for gameplay purposes this wouldn’t be in the final game)

Then…

Rather than having seperated worlds of population like in Elite, I’ve considered the idea of jumpgates, jump gates intrigued me for quite a while, linking two sectors by a point. The Warp drive in Elite is pretty clever, it beams the ship from one sector to another.. no matter where they are.. However, gameplay wise, in my game, it had some drawbacks.

Pretty much every fight could be avoided by simply warping out of the sector… Rather than racing to a jumpgate…

But then, if the universe didn’t exist outside a sector, how could a jumpgate possibly work? Does a jumpgate get created and then state where it’s destination is, (and pass that information on when the sector is destroyed and re-created?) - fine.. But what about the return journey? Stored where?

And then I started thinking about making AI use jumpgates, in my game, if the AI jumped through a gate, they’d be destroyed, if the player chased them, they’d be re-created,

So I came up with this…

What you’re looking at here, believe it or not, is a universe. In each square exists a sector, named, balanced, connected to it’s allies and sectors of its same type. Over time, the sectors grow stronger (shown by being more solid, brighter, colour than the others), and when a faction becomes strong enough they start to invade smaller factions, each universe is born, and the game’s rules determine if it should be destroyed or not - the game decides what a good universe is, using some basic criteria

No faction can have ultimate control, (i.e. no faction can be “too powerful”)
No faction can be completely destroyed (they must all exist, no matter how small)
Each faction must have a HQ or epicenter
Each faction must border another faction, if it’s the same faction, a trade link is created, raising the power of that sector.

It works surprisingly well, the next step will be to be able to click on a sector, and let it create the station set up within… If you click on a epicenter square, it generates a station grid that is predominately that faction… Each square then will have another set of squares within that, with a station in each..

Then I’ll apply the wars, and everything should fragment nicely, causing piracy and law to live next to one another…

Sectors simply collapsing through trade embargos and war, war-neighbouring sectors producing weapons for each faction, war drives everything forward.

Tags:

It seems somewhere along the internetz I’ve been added to a list of really nice and well meaning spam. I’ve actually made sure my Junk Mail filters don’t block them now because they cheer me up.. Let me read a few subjects and I defy anyone not to go “awww what a sweety”

Mercedes Fitch writes: “We will take good care of your body and soul” - Awwwwwww

Adolph Raines writes this little gem: “Forget about depression and be in a good mood all the time” - Awwww thats so sweet..

Pauline Bell pens: “Being healthy and sound must be your prime purpose” - Aww Pauline, you’re making me cry..

Fern Gilmore: “When you wish to feel like a superman, nothing should stand in your way” - Aww thanks Fern, you’ve always known what to say…

The unfortunately named Adrian Ho comments: “I will help you turn back the hands of time and feel young again”, Wow Adrian, that’s some claim, but I believe…

I believe in all you guys… You guys are the best!

*teary smiley face*

And then if you start to read the penis extension ones in a funny way you get these (and seriously, I can screenshot these as proof)

“Increasing your weapon will help win the battle” - Poetic.
“Let her polish your new bigger instrument” - I’m so glad I sold that triangle and bought a harp…
“Lost your libido and power? We would help you search for it” - I’m sure it’s around here somewhere…

I like nice spam

Tags: , , , , ,

Tags: , , ,

1. Make a game about Space
2. Make it 2d from above… (kind of like SpaceRogue)
3. Make it astonishingly attractive
4. Realise that slow moving is cool as fuck.
5. Have a nickname that ends in “Ski” and has “Cliff” in it.
6. Look a little bit like Simon Pegg

Lady and gentleman, (both my readers) - I present to you, my number #1 anticipated game of 2009 (hopefully)

Gratuitous Space Battles

Tags: , , , , , ,

Confused.com - You fucking irritate me.

Lets get one thing straight

Internet. TV. Internet. TV. The words don’t look the same, they are not the same. The internet is not equal to television. Television is not equal to the Internet. Internet != TV.

Right, now on to the advertisers of this world. Please read the following line very carefully and then go back to the start and read it again.

TV marketing campaigns should not try and mimic the Internet’s tendency for user generated content. EVER.

Television, by it’s very fucking definition, is not an interactive service. Sure, companies like Sky would love to make you believe otherwise, (and some of those dodgy girl/ass channels), but really, honestly, TV has no user interaction whatsoever.

Therefore, there is no “community” regarding Television, there’s no YouTube for TV. There’s no fucking schmucks out there with webcams who actually give a fuck enough to post about something on TV - and in the case of Confused dot fucking com. How much they give a fuck about ease of use.

I’ve never once visited a website, (and I include friendly.com) and thought “Oh!, It’s very friendly”- SO MUCH that I thought, “I know, I’ll go and make a YouTube style video of me talking into a camera saying how fucking friendly Friendly.com is” - JUST STOP IT.

Television, I used to love you, because with a little application, you don’t need to mimic the internet, you don’t have to try and convince us that there’s some sort of sub-culture revolving around Television, there isn’t, and I’m thankful for that because the internet sub-culture is fucking shite. Don’t ever let anyone say it isn’t.

Advertisers, go and look at Cog - If you have to copy something, go and fucking copy this. We don’t need to see ourselves on Tv. This is not a Mexican stage show, Give me beautiful people, give me clever jokes, give me shit I couldn’t possibly dream of seeing on the internet.

But do not, I repeat, do not, give me this emo fucking retard saying shit like “Oh is it on?” - Of couse it’s fucking on you hippy twat, you’re in a TV fucking advert. Cocksucking flid.

And also, the fat girl who stars in this advert fucking offends my eyes.

Argh, my god damn eyes, why did I go and post a picture of this werepig on my fucking website?

And another thing.. Don’t intersperse the advert with really annoying “other shit” too. Like a pair of fingers wearing shoes, and really really really fucking annoyingly going “ta-daaa” and jumping in the air. It’s not fucking clever. Please go away and die.

For those who haven’t seen it

FUCK OFF! (God that Ta-da annoys me more than those people who come around and knock on my door asking me to believe in a fairy tale book) - those bastard Disney activists are getting really pushy nowadays

As an act of revenge, I shall NEVER, EVER use confused.com

Tags: , , ,

A 50 year old woman has spent 10 thousand great british pounds on plastic surgery to make her look more like her 22 year old daughter.

Above is a picture of the pair. Study it for a while and try and determine which one is the codger and which one is the young-ish one.

My question, however is this, Instead of spending 10 thousand pounds on plastic surgery to look like her daughter, why didn’t she spend it on trying to look like someone pretty?

Meow

Still struggling with determining the youngster? - Really? Have you never heard the phrase “it’s all in the knuckles?” - No? Well you’ve never hung out with me.

Yes dear readers, check out the pairs hands…

It don’t matter how much plastic surgery you have, the hands never lie.

Check out those bad boys! - They look like the hook handed mullah of hate..

And so, congratulations, you win post #2 of “hold the phone”

Tags: , , , ,

This is all over the interwebs at the moment so I won’t really go on about it. It’s mildly amusing for a matter of minutes..

Effing Hail


Also, as a matter of interest and boredom relief, check out this game, which similarly will quench you for about Twelve seconds.

* This game does get bonus points for having a cool name.

Tags: , , , ,

The internet would be unplugged on April 1st.

Lets discuss:-

Mr Australian wakes up 11 hours before I do, and decides to write a topical post that is infact, a load of cockhat, and so he posts this little joke on the internet, which is a persistent being, that lives longer than a single day, he then enjoys his little jape, and goes back to bed, approximately 11 hours after I’ve woken up, read his fucking post, and hated him for it.

Then, the english twats write their own little japes, har-de-har-fucking har… English people go to bed, and the Americans wake up, reading the English and australian japes, they get in on the fucking retard act and start to spam the internet with their own, particularly fucking stupid April 1st japes.

har de fucking har har.

West coast America goes to bed, Australian man wakes up, sees loads of American japes on April 2nd, gets confused, thinks aliens have invaded and then kills self (god we can hope and pray)

English people wake up to find posts of gazzilons of other nations pricks saying “HAHA, MY APRIL 1st JOKE PWNED - Here’s a list of all other April 1st jokes I found”

On April 2nd…

And so, a fucking retarded period of a day that makes no fucking sense whatsoever lasts for 48 hours. (or 59 if you want to be a pedant)

Please, can we not see that the internet is not a forum for April 1st jokes and really, really shouldn’t be used as such.

And then, because it’s the internet… It lingers, cached… forever… (and sometimes not cached)

I fucking hate April 1st on the Internet. God predictable people irritate me.

Tags: , , , , , ,